time speeding like a killer bus

I need to take a
moment to be
scared. I feel
more and more little.

People who talked about
how great university is

forgot to mention
the tension
beforehand.

I'm the new kid at school again
but this time I can't
run home to mama
if the Big Kids are mean.

My mama told me a story today about
her own university days at Brummie when
she wandered downstairs in

slippers, baggy jumper and denim dress

to buy chocolate the day before
christmas holidays only to end up
at t'bar with her mates. She says

it was one of the best nights she had.

That's what I want. Chilled friends
havin' a larf. I don't wanna get fucked
twenty
four
seven.

Gah. This is scary.

I'm in two minds about my ex. One,

I need to get away from him
and people talking about him
and forget about him ('cause

it hurts to pretend
that I barely know him).

But two, I don't know if I
can stand forever good bye.

I can't be arsed with
line breaks. Insert
spiel.

My problem is we broke up because we were too young and my life got in the way, not because we weren't compatible. It's difficult to let go of a best friend like that. It was easier when I hated him in that respect. I am finding that I did not lose something that I need, but something that made me happy and now I don't want to fall like that for a very long time. I don't want anyone to hold my hand or kiss my cheek or ruffle my hair like he did until I've forgotten it all.

I am not as helpless as
"thursday". But before that
I felt kinda like one half of a whole
(I guess?) and now
the other half isn't there

to hold my hand
whilst I make my big
jump midland-way.

And that's the most scary thing of all.